Why Social Stories Like “No Biting” Might Not Work (and What to Write Instead)

Autism-Talk
2 days ago
6 min read

If you’ve ever searched for a “No Biting” social story for your autistic child or students, you’re not alone. Biting, hitting, and other challenging behaviors can be stressful for everyone involved, and it’s natural to want them to stop. But here’s the thing: social stories work best when they teach new skills, not when they simply tell a child what not to do. In this post, we’ll look at why “No Biting” isn’t the social story you need—and how writing a positive, skill-based story can help your child understand what to do instead. You’ll learn how to create stories that support emotional regulation, model empathy, and build lasting social skills.

TL;DR

Social stories are most effective when they teach children what to do, not what not to do.
Titles like “No Biting” or “Don’t Pick Your Nose” can unintentionally focus a child’s attention on the very behavior you’re trying to reduce.
Children with autism are more likely to experience intrusive thoughts or repetitive imagery, which can make “no” phrasing especially unhelpful.
The same challenging behavior can happen for very different reasons—understanding the why is key.
Instead of stopping at “don’t,” focus on specific, concrete replacement actions that meet the same need safely.

Why I Don’t Just Rename Stories Like “No Biting” — I Rethink How They’re Written

This isn’t about swapping one title for another. It’s about looking at how we teach through stories. When we write about behavior, the way we describe it can either reinforce the problem or guide a child toward a new skill. Stories that focus on “don’t” often miss that chance to teach what to do instead.

That’s part of why I avoid writing or using social stories with titles that start with “No” or “Don’t.” Those phrases don’t just tell us what to avoid; they also paint the picture of the behavior itself.

Now imagine how that might feel for a child with autism who already struggles with repetitive or intrusive thoughts. Once that mental image appears, it can be difficult to shake—and for some children, it can even make the unwanted behavior more tempting or confusing.

Child in pink shirt thinks with finger on lip, imagining a pink elephant. Thought bubble on white background. Text: www.autism-talk.com. — When you tell your brain *not* to think about something, it tends to think about it even more.

The “Don’t Think of a Pink Elephant” Problem

Psychologists call this the ironic process theory—when you tell your brain not to think about something, it tends to think about it even more. (Try it: “Don’t picture a pink elephant.”)

For autistic children who may experience perseverative or intrusive thinking, this effect can be even stronger. Research shows that obsessive or intrusive thoughts are common in autism, with as many as 17–30 percent of autistic children also meeting criteria for OCD-like symptoms. These thoughts can feel “sticky”—looping over and over—even when a child doesn’t want them to.

That’s why phrasing in a social story matters so much.

Child in a colorful tie-dye shirt reading an autism social story. The page shows a swimmer. The setting is indoors with a neutral background. — Social stories are a wonderful, evidence-based tool when they’re used to **build understanding and teach positive behaviors**.

Social Stories Work Best When They Teach a Skill

Social stories are a wonderful, evidence-based tool when they’re used to build understanding and teach positive behaviors.

Research has shown:

“Social Stories can be effective in tackling challenging behaviour when they set out to explicitly teach social skills.” — National Center for Biotechnology Information (NCBI)

In other words, it’s not about saying “Stop biting. ”It’s about showing what to do instead.

Why a “No” Story Can Miss the Mark

A story called “No Biting” might seem straightforward—after all, if a child bites, we want them to stop. But the problem is that biting isn’t one single behavior with one single cause.

Three kids in a car, fighting. Girl in pink with a braid, flanked by boys in blue and striped shirts. — Instead of simply targeting the behavior that is most pressing such as the biting, you can ask yourself questions to try and understand why the behavior is occurring.

Maybe the child is biting because a classmate is standing too close and it feels overwhelming. Maybe the child is biting because they want to play but don’t know how to join in and they know when they bite a peer it causes everyone to suddenly pay attention to them. Maybe the child is biting because another child took a toy they were using and they don’t have another way to say, “That’s mine.”

Those are three very different situations—and each calls for a completely different skill to teach.

That’s why blanket “don’t” stories rarely solve the real problem. They describe what not to do, but they don’t explain why the behavior is happening or what to do instead.

Of course, when a challenging behavior like biting, spitting, or grabbing happens, our first priority is safety. You are obligated to step in right away to make sure everyone is safe and no one gets hurt. But once things have calmed down, that’s when it’s most helpful to take a step back.

Instead of simply targeting the behavior that is most pressing such as the biting, you can ask yourself...

Who else is around the child?
What might the child be trying to obtain... a toy? attention? getting someone away?
What might this child be feeling or thinking right now?
Why did biting or spitting seem like the best way to solve the problem in that moment?
Are there times when this behavior seems to occur more often? Less often?
Are there any situations where this behavior never or rarely occurs?

When we approach behavior with curiosity instead of frustration, we give ourselves the chance to truly understand the child’s perspective—and that understanding is what leads to lasting change.

What To Do Instead: Teach the Skill That Matches the Need

When we understand the reason behind the biting, we can write a story that gives the child a clear, concrete action to try instead.

For example:

If the child bites because someone is standing too close, the story might teach “I can step back or say ‘Too close!’”
If the child bites because they want to play, the story might teach “I can tap a friend’s shoulder or say ‘Play with me.’” or tap a button on my IPAD that says "You want to play?"
If the child bites because they want a toy, the story might teach “I can hold out my hand or sign ‘My turn.’” or learn to respond to a visual that helps them understand they will get the toy in X amount of time or gives strategies for waiting for the toy calmly.
This social story is a good example of this

Two images from an autism social story titled "Waiting." A child and a teenager sit, looking bored by a window and in a lobby. Text asks, "Have you ever had to wait?" — This autism social story gives strategies to help children learn to wait patiently.

Same child. Same behavior. Three completely different needs.

By focusing on why the behavior happens, we can teach the specific social or communication skill that actually helps—instead of just saying don’t.

Why This Matters for Autistic Learners

Many autistic children are strong visual thinkers. When a story paints a vivid image—even accidentally—it can stick. Pair that with anxiety, OCD-like traits, or difficulty shifting attention, and you’ve got a perfect storm for intrusive thoughts.

By focusing stories on what to do, not what to avoid, we reduce those mental images and give children something concrete to practice and remember.

And that’s the ultimate goal: not just avoiding behaviors, but building new ones.

Tips for Writing Effective, Positive Social Stories

Use positive, present-tense phrasing (“I can…,” “I ask…,” “I take turns…”).
Describe what the child can do, not what they shouldn’t.
Keep actions observable and specific (“I hand my friend a toy”) rather than abstract (“I make good choices”).
Include why the skill helps (“When I wait for my turn, my friend feels happy and I get a turn next”).
Pair with visuals and modeling to show what the action looks like.
Revisit stories during calm moments—not crisis moments—to reinforce learning.
Let child decide whe to access the story. Leave it in an area that is visable but if child is resistant wait for them to go to the book on their own.

Final Thoughts

Social stories are powerful—especially when they focus on skills, strengths, and real solutions. By shifting from “no” language to positive, concrete actions, we help children truly understand what’s expected and give them the tools to succeed.

And that’s what every good social story should do. 🌈