Toilet Training Older Autistic Children: When It Didn’t Happen Early — Is It Too Late to Toilet Train?

Table of Contents

1. Why Toilet Training Sometimes Happens Later in Autism

2. How Toilet Training Is Different for Older Autistic Children

3. Common Challenges With Later Toilet Training

4. What Helps When Toilet Training Happens Later

5. Is It Ever Too Late to Toilet Train?

6. When a Structured Plan Can Help

7. Frequently Asked Questions

   
   

Many parents never expected to be here.

Toilet training an older autistic child is still possible with the right support and timing.

Maybe toilet training didn’t work when your child was younger. Maybe medical issues, sensory challenges, or repeated setbacks got in the way. Maybe life was overwhelming — and toileting simply couldn’t be the priority at the time.

Now your child is older, and you may be wondering:

“Did we wait too long?” “Is it still possible?” “Did we miss our chance?”

Let’s start with the most important answer:

No — you did not miss your chance.

Toilet training can and does happen for older autistic children. It just often looks different than early toilet training — and it requires a different mindset.

In this post, we’ll talk about:

• why toilet training sometimes doesn’t happen early in autism

• what changes when a child is older

• why waiting doesn’t mean failure

• and how to approach toilet training later in a way that protects dignity, regulation, and trust

If you’re looking for early toilet-training steps, start with Toilet Training Autistic Kids: What Parents Need to Know. This post is specifically for families whose journey didn’t follow that timeline.

Why Toilet Training Sometimes Doesn’t Happen Early in Autism

Sensory sensitivities, gastrointestinal issues, communication differences, and anxiety can delay toilet training in autistic children.

For many autistic children, toilet training is delayed because other needs come first.

Common reasons include:

• limited communication or language delays

• sensory sensitivities around bathrooms

• difficulty recognizing body signals

• medical issues such as constipation or reflux

• frequent regressions

• high levels of anxiety or dysregulation

Research on autism and interoception (internal body awareness), including work by Mahler and Quadt et al., shows that some autistic children have difficulty noticing or interpreting body signals well into later childhood.

This means:

Toilet training may not fail — it may simply not be accessible yet.

Why Older Toilet Training Is Different (But Still Possible)

When toilet training happens later, the challenge is usually not learning the steps — it’s navigating habits, routines, and emotional history.

Older children may have:

• long-standing routines around pull-ups or diapers

• rigid expectations (only going in one place or position)

• anxiety from past failed attempts

• increased awareness of accidents or embarrassment

• stronger sensory preferences

Autism research consistently shows that rigidity and habit formation increase with age, especially when routines feel safe and predictable. This doesn’t make toileting impossible — it means we need to work with those patterns, not against them.

A Very Important Reframe: Waiting Was Not a Mistake

Many parents carry guilt about not toilet training earlier.

But in autism, delaying toilet training is often protective, not neglectful.

Research on stress and learning (including Mazefsky et al. and Delahooke) shows that skills taught during high stress are less likely to stick — and more likely to become associated with fear or avoidance.

If your child wasn’t ready emotionally, physically, or neurologically, waiting likely prevented:

• power struggles

• shame

• trauma around toileting

You didn’t fail. You responded to the child you had at the time.

Toilet training social stories such as this one can be useful to help your child begin to understand what will be happening during potty training.

The Most Common Challenges When Toilet Training Older Autistic Children

Strong Habits and Rigid Patterns

Examples include:

• “I only poop in a pull-up.”

• “I only go standing up.”

• “I only go at home.”

These routines feel safe — and safety matters.

Reduced Body Awareness

Some older children still struggle to feel the urge to go until it’s urgent.

If this sounds familiar, Why Some Autistic Children Don’t Feel the Urge to Use the Toilet (and What Actually Helps) explains this in more depth.

Anxiety or Past Negative Experiences

Repeated accidents, pressure, or failed attempts can make older children more cautious or avoidant.

This doesn’t mean they won’t succeed — it means trust needs to be rebuilt.

A Quick (Gentle) Medical Reminder

Before starting or restarting toilet training with an older child — especially when bowel movements are involved — it’s important to rule out constipation, even if stools appear loose.

I’ll be honest: I don’t want to admit how many times I’ve ended up in the ER with one of my kids because of stomach pain or what looked like diarrhea, only to find out it was actually prolonged constipation. Loose stool leaking around impacted stool can be incredibly uncomfortable and confusing. This rarely looks like constipation with autistic children but much more frequently looks like a child who has continual poop accidents.

Bowel withholding is common, but checking for medical concerns is an important first step.

Checking in with a pediatrician can remove a major barrier and make emotional and behavioral supports far more effective.

What Helps When Toilet Training Happens Later

1. Start With Predictability, Not Pressure

Older children often respond better to:

• scheduled bathroom times (for example, after meals, before leaving the house, or before bedtime)

• visual schedules that show the toileting routine step by step

• using the same words each time you prompt a bathroom visit

• predictable transitions (timer, song, or verbal countdown before bathroom time)

• consistent adults supporting toileting whenever possible

• the same bathroom rather than switching locations frequently

• the same sequence every time (walk → bathroom → sit → wash hands)

• neutral reminders instead of last-minute urgency

Helpful reminders:

• Avoid rushing or surprise bathroom trips

• Skip consequences, pressure, or time limits

• Focus on routine rather than results

The goal is to make toileting feel like a regular, expected part of the day — not an emergency.

2. Respect Existing Routines — Then Shape Them Slowly

Instead of eliminating pull-ups or familiar routines all at once, many families find it helpful to:

• keep pull-ups but require sitting on the toilet

• use pull-ups only in the bathroom, not in other rooms

• have the child sit first, then put the pull-up on

• cut a hole in the pull-up so the routine stays familiar while changing where waste goes

• move standing routines to sitting routines gradually

• change one step at a time, rather than everything at once

• keep everything else the same when introducing a new change

• practice sitting at low-pressure times, not only when the child needs to go

• use the same bathroom and same toilet consistently

• allow comfort items (book, toy, music) during sitting

• avoid removing pull-ups until the routine feels safe

Helpful reminders:

• Progress does not have to be fast to be meaningful

• Familiar routines provide safety, not stubbornness

• Small changes done consistently often work better than big changes done quickly

The goal is to build comfort and confidence first — independence comes later.

3. Use Visual Supports Generously

Visual supports can reduce language demands, increase predictability, and lower emotional load during toilet training.

Helpful visuals may include:

• toileting visual schedules (step-by-step bathroom routines)

• first–then boards (First bathroom, then preferred activity)

• bathroom routine cards posted on the wall

• single-step visual cards (sit, wipe, flush, wash hands)

• visual reminders for scheduled bathroom times

• timer visuals showing how long to sit

• countdown visuals (5–4–3–2–1)

• choice boards for what comes after toileting

• visual checklists to mark completed steps

• social skill stories about using the toilet

• mini books that walk through the toileting routine

• bathroom signs or symbols indicating when it’s time to go

• body signal visuals (pictures showing “I feel like I need to go”)

• emotion visuals to label feelings during toileting

• coping strategy visuals (deep breath, squeeze hands, ask for help)

• visual rules (sit calmly, try, wash hands)

• picture schedules showing where toileting fits into the day

• reinforcement visuals showing what happens after trying

• progress charts focused on participation, not accidents

• location visuals showing where pull-ups or underwear are used

• school–home consistency visuals shared between settings

Visual cues reduce the need for verbal instructions during toilet training for autistic children.

Helpful reminders:

• Visuals should be age-respectful, not babyish

• Using more visuals is supportive, not a step backward

• Visuals can be removed later — they don’t have to be permanent

The goal is to let visuals do the work, so your child doesn’t have to process everything through language or stress.

If you need ideas, Using Autism Potty Training Printables walks through how visuals can support older learners without being childish.

4. Expect Progress to Be Uneven

Older toilet training is rarely linear.

Success may come in stages:

• sitting comfortably

• tolerating new routines

• partial success

• regression

• progress again

This is normal.

Is It Ever “Too Late” to Toilet Train?

No.

Research and clinical experience consistently show that autistic individuals can learn toileting skills in later childhood, adolescence, and even adulthood — especially when instruction is respectful and structured.

The key difference is how the skill is taught — not when.

When a Structured Plan Can Make This Easier

You can purchase autism toilet training guides such as this one or consult with a therapist that has experience in this area.

Toilet training an older child can feel overwhelming because:

• there’s more emotional history

• habits are stronger

• stakes feel higher

This is where a clear, step-by-step plan can help families stay calm and consistent.

Focus on predictable routines, visual supports, and reducing pressure — not forcing independence.

Frequently Asked Questions

Did I wait too long to toilet train my autistic child?

No. Many autistic children toilet train later for valid reasons. Waiting does not prevent future success.

Is toilet training harder when kids are older?

It can be different — habits and anxiety may play a bigger role — but it is absolutely still possible.

Should I force toilet training now that my child is older?

No. Pressure often increases resistance. Structure and predictability work better than force.

Can teens or adults still learn to use the toilet?

Yes. With respectful, consistent support, many older individuals learn toileting skills later than expected.

Final Thoughts

Toilet training doesn’t have an expiration date.

If it didn’t happen early, that doesn’t mean something went wrong — it means your child needed different timing, support, or priorities. With patience, structure, and empathy, many older autistic children make meaningful progress.

Sometimes the most powerful shift isn’t pushing harder — it’s starting from where your child is now.

Research & Further Reading

• Mahler, K. (2016). Interoception: The Eighth Sensory System.

• Quadt, L., Critchley, H. D., & Garfinkel, S. N. (2018). The neurobiology of interoception in autism spectrum disorder.

• Mazefsky, C. A., et al. (2013). Emotion regulation in autism spectrum disorder.

• Delahooke, M. (2019). Beyond Behaviors.

• American Academy of Pediatrics. Toilet training guidance and late training considerations.

• Nemours KidsHealth. Constipation and encopresis overview.