Navigating Conflict Resolution for Autistic Children: Practical Strategies for Parents

Table of Contents:

1. Introduction

2. The Importance of Teaching Children to Recognize and Manage Strong Feelings

3. Concrete Conflict Resolution Systems

4. Modeling and Role-Playing

5. Utilizing Social Stories

6. Using Visual Supports for Effective Conflict Resolution

7. Remaining Calm as a Parent and Allowing Independence

8. Conclusion

Introduction:

As a parent of four children, navigating conflicts among them is one of my biggest challenges, especially as summer approaches and we are all together without the break that school usually provides. While we've been making progress, it remains an ongoing battle in our household. This is one area where I have to remind myself daily it truly is "progress not perfection".

One of the crucial aspects we're focusing on is teaching our children to recognize when they're upset and how to calm down before attempting to resolve conflicts. This skill is particularly important for children on the autism spectrum, like some of mine, who may find it challenging to manage their emotions in social situations.

The Importance of Teaching Children to Recognize and Manage Strong Feelings:

Before diving into conflict resolution strategies, it's essential to emphasize the importance of helping children recognize and manage their upset feelings. This skill lays the foundation for effective conflict resolution by allowing children to approach conflicts with a calm and clear mindset. Teaching simple strategies, such as deep breathing or taking a break in a quiet space, can empower them to regulate their emotions and engage in constructive problem-solving.

Concrete Conflict Resolution Systems:

One helpful strategy for teaching conflict resolution to autistic children is to provide a concrete system with clear steps.

This system should emphasize the importance of calming down before attempting to resolve the conflict and then guide children through specific strategies to try, such as using a timer, taking turns, or flipping a coin.

Many autistic children benefit from having these steps presented in a visual format and readily available in a location where they can reference them during times of distress.

Modeling and Role-Playing:

Another effective approach is to provide children with models of conflict resolution through role-playing scenarios. This can involve using puppets or people to act out different conflicts and demonstrate how to resolve them peacefully. By observing these scenarios, children can gain insight into various conflict resolution strategies and learn how to apply them in real-life situations.

Utilizing Social Stories:

Create a social story on your own or read a social story (like this one or this one). Social stories are a great, visual tool to use. The child can actually see and read/listen to what is happening on the pages. It helps because it is information that stays static, unlike verbal information. They can refer to a social skill story over and over as needed.

These stories use simple language and visual cues to explain social situations and how they can react or respond to different social situations. By reading or creating social stories that specifically address conflict resolution, parents can help their children understand the importance of resolving disagreements calmly and constructively. For more information on what a social skill story is check out this post.

Using Visual Supports for Effective Conflict Resolution:

Visual supports play a crucial role in making concepts like turn-taking more concrete for children with autism.

Examples include a board that shows "my turn/your turn," a "waiting card" or object they hold while waiting for their turn, and pictures illustrating what a calm body looks

like.

These visual aids provide clear guidance and help children understand expectations during social interactions, reducing frustration and promoting successful conflict resolution. For more information on using autism visual supports check out this post.

Remaining Calm as a Parent and Allowing Independence:

When dealing with conflicts, it's essential for parents to remain calm themselves. Modeling calm and composed behavior sets a positive example for children and reinforces the importance of managing emotions during conflicts. This is of course, easier said than done, and obviously a goal to work toward rather than something that will happen every time.

After working on strategies together, it's also beneficial to give children space to apply these skills independently. Allowing them to navigate conflicts on their own encourages autonomy and reinforces their confidence in using conflict resolution strategies.

Conclusion:

Navigating conflict resolution with children, especially those on the autism spectrum, requires patience, consistency, and tailored strategies. As a parent of four children, including some on the autism spectrum, I understand firsthand the challenges and importance of teaching effective conflict resolution skills. By emphasizing the recognition and management of upset feelings, providing concrete systems and visual supports, and modeling calm behavior, parents can work toward a more peaceful household and help children learn skills that will allow them to navigate relationships in their future.

Additional resources

Looking for some additional resources on this topic? Check these out.

Conflict Resolution Poster Set

Sibling Fighting Social Skill Story

Conflict Resolution Social Skill Story

Taking Turns Autism Visual Supports