How to Teach Coping Skills to Autistic Preschoolers (What Actually Helps)

Time to Read: 7–8 minutes

Helping an autistic preschooler manage big emotions isn’t about “fixing behavior.” It’s about supporting them in understanding their body’s messages and learning what they can do—step by step—to feel better when things feel overwhelming.

Many families come looking for coping skills for autistic preschoolers because their child experiences emotions intensely, struggles to identify what they’re feeling, or doesn’t yet have the language to ask for help. When that happens, frustration, anger, and overwhelm often show up as meltdowns, shutdowns, or resistance.

Coping skills can be taught to children in the same way any other skill would be taught.

The good news? Coping skills can be taught early. And when they’re taught in a visual, gentle, developmentally appropriate way, they can make a meaningful difference in emotional regulation for autistic children.

In this post, I’ll walk you through what coping skills actually are, why they matter so much in early childhood, and how to teach them in ways that truly work for autistic preschoolers.

If you’re just starting to explore emotional regulation support, you may also find my post Why Emotional Regulation Is So Hard for Autistic Children (And How to Help) helpful. (Insert blog URL here when published.)

TL;DR: Teaching Coping Skills to Autistic Preschoolers

• Coping skills help children manage big emotions like frustration, anger, and overwhelm.

• Autistic preschoolers often need explicit, visual, and repeated instruction.

• Teaching coping skills works best when strategies are simple, concrete, and practiced when the child is calm.

• Visual coping strategies for autism make abstract emotions easier to understand.

• Gentle tools like breathing, counting, and sensory regulation support long-term emotional regulation for autistic children.

Table of Contents

• What Are Coping Skills for Autistic Preschoolers?

• Why Do Autistic Preschoolers Struggle with Emotional Regulation?

• How Do You Teach Coping Skills to an Autistic Child?

• What Are Good Coping Strategies for Autistic Preschoolers?

• Key Takeaways

• Frequently Asked Questions About Coping Skills

• What Does Research Say About Teaching Emotional Regulation in Autism?

What Are Coping Skills for Autistic Preschoolers?

Coping skills are tools children can use when their feelings start to feel too big.

Coping skills are tools children can use when their feelings start to feel too big.

For young children, this might include:

• Taking slow breaths

• Counting or focusing on something visual

• Listening to music

• Using simple body-based calming strategies

For autistic children, coping skills aren’t just helpful—they’re a necessary part of daily life.

They are foundational life skills that support:

• Emotional regulation

• Communication

• Transitions and flexibility

• Participation in play, learning, and daily routines

When children don’t yet have coping skills for autism, their nervous system does the only thing it knows how to do: protect them. That protection can look like meltdowns, withdrawal, or strong emotional reactions.

Teaching coping skills gives them another option.

Why Do Autistic Preschoolers Struggle with Emotional Regulation?

Many parents ask, “Why does my autistic child have such a hard time calming down?” Understanding this helps us teach more effectively.

1. Emotional Regulation Is Still Developing

Preschoolers are just beginning to understand:

• What emotions are

• How emotions feel in their bodies

• What they can do when those feelings become uncomfortable

Autistic children often need direct instruction in these areas. What other children may pick up naturally often has to be taught intentionally and visually. This is why autism emotional regulation strategies are so important in early childhood.

2. Language Isn’t Always Available During Big Feelings

When a child is overwhelmed, language can disappear. Even children with strong verbal skills may struggle to:

• Explain what’s wrong

• Ask for help

• Follow verbal directions

This is why visual coping strategies for autism are so effective. They don’t rely on processing long explanations in the moment.

Making coping skills visual makes them more accessible to young children who may be strong visual learners.

3. Coping Skills Reduce the Need for “Behavior Fixes”

When we focus only on stopping behavior, we miss the root: the child doesn’t yet have the tools they need.

Teaching coping skills first:

• Builds emotional safety

• Reduces stress for everyone

• Supports long-term emotional regulation for autistic children

How Do You Teach Coping Skills to an Autistic Child?

How do you teach coping skills to an autistic child?

Here’s what actually helps.

Step 1: Teach When the Child Is Calm

Coping skills are not learned in the middle of a meltdown.

Introduce strategies:

• During quiet moments

• As part of your daily routine

• Through stories, visuals, and modeling

This helps children access the skill when they need it later.

Look for visuals to make coping skills easy for autistic children to understand.

Step 2: Keep Strategies Simple and Concrete

The most effective coping skills for autistic preschoolers:

• Use one clear action

• Are easy to remember

• Can be practiced repeatedly

Examples:

• “Blow up a balloon” breathing

• “Count the dots”

• “Listen to music”

• “Squeeze and relax” movements

Avoid long explanations. Short, consistent language works best when you’re teaching how to teach coping skills to kids.

Step 3: Use Visuals to Support Emotional Regulation

Many autistic children are strong visual learners. Emotional regulation visuals for kids help by:

• Showing what a feeling might look like

• Modeling what a coping strategy actually does

• Reducing reliance on spoken instructions

This is why social skills stories for autism and photo-based supports are so effective for teaching autism coping skills activities.

A Gentle Tool That Supports Visual Coping Skills

Many families and classrooms use visual social skill stories to introduce emotions and model calm-down strategies in a way young children can understand.

When I Feel Mad! – An Everyday Social Skills Story About Coping Strategies was created for autistic preschoolers and early learners who benefit from clear visuals, short language, and step-by-step support.

It helps children:

• Recognize what “feeling mad” looks and feels like

• Understand that big feelings are normal

• Practice simple coping strategies like breathing, counting, and calming routines

👉 You can view the story here: https://rainbowautism.etsy.com/listing/1652708928/help-your-autistic-child-learn-coping

Step 4: Practice Together

Coping skills only become useful when they are familiar.

Try:

• Practicing during circle time

• Using strategies before transitions

• Modeling them yourself: “I feel frustrated. I’m going to take a slow breath.”

The goal isn’t perfection—it’s access.

What Are Good Coping Strategies for Autistic Preschoolers?

"Balloon breathing" is another visual tool that can be used to help children practice breathing.

Here are five practical strategies that support calming strategies for autistic children:

1. Balloon Breathing

A visual way to practice slow breathing.

• “Pretend you’re holding a balloon.”

• “Blow it up slowly.”

• “Watch it grow.”

This turns “take a deep breath” into something concrete—ideal for visual coping strategies for autism.

2. Counting with Visual Focus

Counting gives the brain something predictable to focus on.

• Count dots, blocks, or fingers

• Touch each one slowly

This supports children who benefit from structure and routine.

3. Listening to Music

Music can regulate the nervous system.

• Calm instrumental music

• Familiar favorite songs

• Headphones for children sensitive to noise

4. Body-Based Calming

Some children need movement or pressure:

• Wall pushes

• Squeezing a pillow

• Gentle rocking

Coping skills are not one-size-fits-all. What matters is what helps that child feel safe.

Books like this one can be purchased on Etsy or TPT.

5. Visual Stories About Big Feelings

Social skills stories for autism that show:

• What “feeling mad” might look like

• That big feelings are okay

• What a child can try when emotions feel too big

These stories normalize emotions while offering clear, repeatable coping skills for autism.

If you’d like more visual-based tools, you may also enjoy 5 Visual Coping Strategies That Actually Help Kids Calm Down.

Key Takeaways

• Coping skills for autistic preschoolers are learned skills, not automatic traits.

• Children benefit most from visual, simple, and practiced strategies.

• Teaching coping skills early builds emotional regulation, independence, and confidence.

• Emotional regulation for autistic children improves when tools are predictable and accessible.

Frequently Asked Questions About Coping Skills for Autistic Preschoolers

How do you teach coping skills to an autistic child?

The most effective way to teach coping skills to an autistic child is through visual supports, simple language, and repeated practice when the child is calm. Strategies like breathing exercises, counting, and body-based calming should be introduced during low-stress moments using pictures, social stories, or modeling. Over time, these tools become familiar and easier for children to use when emotions feel overwhelming.

What are good coping strategies for autistic preschoolers?

Helpful strategies include:

• Balloon or deep breathing

• Counting with visual focus

• Listening to calming music

• Gentle movement or pressure

• Visual social stories that model calm-down steps

The best strategy is the one that helps your child feel safe and regulated.

If you are working on waiting, click here to grab your free waiting autism visual support.

Why do autistic children struggle with emotional regulation?

Many autistic children experience emotions more intensely, process sensory input differently, and may have difficulty identifying or expressing how they feel. Because emotional regulation is a learned developmental skill, autistic children often benefit from explicit instruction and visual supports.

How can I help my autistic child calm down when they are upset?

Focus on teaching coping skills before a meltdown happens. Practice strategies like breathing, counting, or using visuals during calm moments. When your child becomes upset, gently remind them of the tool you’ve practiced together rather than giving verbal demands.

Are visual supports helpful for teaching coping skills in autism?

Yes. Research and classroom experience show that visual supports help autistic children understand abstract concepts like emotions and calming strategies. Photos, visual schedules, and social skill stories reduce reliance on verbal instructions and make coping tools more accessible.

What Does Research Say About Teaching Emotional Regulation in Autism?

Research supports what many parents and educators observe: emotional regulation is a learned developmental skill that improves when children are given clear models, external supports, and repeated opportunities to practice.

Developmental psychologist C. B. Kopp (1989) describes self-regulation as something children acquire gradually, first relying on adults and environmental supports before they can manage emotions independently. This helps explain why young children—especially those with developmental differences—often need structured guidance to learn coping strategies.

Autism-specific research also confirms that emotional regulation challenges are common in autistic children and that intervention should focus on teaching regulation skills rather than simply addressing outward behavior. Mazefsky and colleagues (2013) emphasize that supporting emotional awareness and coping strategies is a key component of helping autistic children manage strong emotions in daily life.

In addition, the use of visual supports and structured strategies has long been recommended in autism education. Hodgdon (1995) highlights how visual tools improve understanding, predictability, and emotional organization for autistic learners—making abstract skills like calming and self-regulation more accessible.

Together, this research reinforces a compassionate truth: children don’t calm down because they are told to—they calm down when they are taught how in ways that match their developmental and sensory needs.

Related Resources

• What to Do When Your Autistic Child Gets Mad: Simple Calming Strategies 

• How to Use Social Skills Stories to Teach Emotional Regulation 

• 5 Visual Coping Strategies That Actually Help Kids Calm Down 

  
  

Final Thoughts

Big feelings are part of being human—especially for young children who are still learning how their emotions work. When we teach coping skills for autistic preschoolers with patience, visuals, and compassion, we give them something powerful: the ability to understand themselves and feel safe in their emotions.

If you’re looking for a simple, visual way to help your child practice coping skills, When I Feel Mad! can be used at home, in therapy, or in the classroom as a supportive starting point. It’s designed to meet children where they are—without pressure, demands, or behavior charts.

References

Kopp, C. B. (1989). Regulation of distress and negative emotions: A developmental view. Developmental Psychology, 25(3), 343–354. https://doi.org/10.1037/0012-1649.25.3.343

Mazefsky, C. A., Herrington, J., Siegel, M., Scarpa, A., Maddox, B. B., Scahill, L., & White, S. W. (2013). Emotion regulation in autism spectrum disorder. Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 52(7), 679–688.

https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jaac.2013.05.006

Hodgdon, L. A. (1995). Visual strategies for improving communication: Practical supports for school and home. Troy, MI: QuirkRoberts Publishing.